Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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