i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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