I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize