you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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