This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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