No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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