she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
