worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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