I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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