Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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