I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
