The maid of honor just puked.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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