I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This baby is an asshole
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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