I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
