The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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