I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
