He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's shark week go big or go home
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
