I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
