I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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