I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
