My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
