super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
