Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
