The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
