Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
