I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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