It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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