do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
