Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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