You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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