I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize