: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we're making bets on your personal life
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
