i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
