the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
