i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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