yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize