but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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