So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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