when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
