I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
