why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
