Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
