Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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