I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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