sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
