And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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