Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
