My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
