There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
