Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
