I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
