Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
