Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
