We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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