Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
