I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
