Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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