I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
