You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize