Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
