You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
