Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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