you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
