Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
