He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
