my mouth tastes like poor choices
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
