Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
