I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
